cat on the headDo something gross at SXSW. Tweet something inappropriate. Put a cat on your head.

Getting attention is easy. But getting the right attention … especially if you represent a company or brand … well, that's quite a different story. So what happens if you're the one responsible for telling your company's story?

We've been sharing tips for years about writing great press releases, optimizing their distribution and maximizing their value with various digital technologies. But sometimes you need something a little more direct — a crack on the head, so to speak. And we don't mean by a cat.

What Not to Do

Hamish Thompson is managing director of the London-based public relations agency Twelve Thirty Eight. We introduced him to CMSWire readers a few months ago as the man who created a tool to strip jargon out of press releases.

But Thompson thinks that prevention is really the better medicine. So he invented something else – a How Not to Guide to Public Relations — and he updates it every three months. The latest version, which features input from hundreds of editors, reporters and bloggers in the US and the UK, just came out.

Thompson said more than 25,000 public relations people worldwide have accessed the guide since he put it online early last year. It’s an impressive statistic, but still begs the question. Why are so many press releases so lame?

Yep. We all need to share every possible intimate detail about our lives. But shhh! Let's keep our sweaters secret.

5 Top Suggestions

The guide is hefty. If it were a book instead of an online manual, you'd probably need two hands to pick it up. It contains 15,000 words, Thompson said. So we're going to help you out. Here's a selection of some of our favorite advice.

1.  Get to the point. The guide estimates that national correspondents have an average of more than 300 emails waiting in their inboxes when they arrive at the office. Don't waste their time with convoluted pitches, spurious connections and off-topic suggestions.

Patience is not a natural journalistic trait. Most journalists are under intense pressure and have little time for waffle and pleasantries, especially ones with even the faintest whiff of insincerity."

2. Lose the hyperbole. Journalists are, by nature, a cynical, jaded bunch. They cut their writing teeth on skepticism and sarcasm, and bemoan the overuse of so called hip words like “awesome” and “super-excited.”

One correspondent said: 'I’m all for a pleasant chat, but there are probably two things in the average life that deserve being referred to as ‘awesome’ or ‘super-exciting.’ Cauliflowers and biscuits aren’t amongst them.”